A premise is a must. It is generally believed that the couple is based on a dyad, the I and Thou. Nothing could be further from the truth. The couple comes from a dyad, but to survive over time needs to evolve into a triad: the I, You and Us.
The us is the relationship itself, understood as a space for sharing and mutual planning. Without it, the dyad or monad becomes a fusion or remains in a duality with no end. Many of us would like to change the behavior of the partner, but is it possible?
I think we can change the partner only a few in her attitude. Indeed, if we persist in wanting to change would get the only effect of making him feel poorly understood, unappreciated and unloved. If anything trying to change the partner hides a problem of relational that will not recognize. Sometimes this stubbornness hides a real emotional dependency, you can not partners to see what it really is, but for what could be, if we accept to be changed. At this point, s object of change should not be a partner but the relationship itself, thus saving the uniqueness and individuality of the components thereof. And speaking on the relationship you create a circular process, a harbinger of the changes of partners you want, as well as having a change also about ourselves. The circular process is like, change the report, we change, change partners, change the report.
Let me give a piece of Gibran:
"Love, like a river, must be continuous movement. But what happens to the majority of couples? They believe that the waters of the river to flow forever, and do not care anymore. Then winter comes and the waters freeze. Only then will they understand that nothing in this life, it is absolutely guaranteed. "
Let us ensure that our relationship does not freeze and does not become something absolutely guaranteed.
But as one works on the report and then the U.S.
improving communication within the relational process. We often complain that their partners pay little attention to our needs, our speeches, our required, unlike what we do. But are we sure that we will pay the attention that listening and we would like ourselves. Improving communication to that effect. Switching to a genuine interest and listening to the partner, type of empathy. Prestiamogli careful listening, even in a non-verbal, through caresses, smiles and everything else.
consider the partner as our best friend. Confidiamogli dreams, emotions and projects, we are open and sincere. Accepted the other as is and not try to change it. In this regard, we recall the teaching of G. Galilei "You can not teach anything to a man, you can only help you to discover what he has in himself. " Initially, the partner will be surprised of our new attitudes. Probably will retire on the defensive. We will have the impression that he made a hole in the water. But if we have patience and determination, the rewards will soon change. It will change all three terms of the report. Us and the partner will change, no big changes and preserving our individuality, but also the relationship will be changed, those changes in the original desire.
The real change happens when we stop trying to change each other and try to change within ourselves.
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