S n the second marriage often weigh the same unknowns the first. fact, if both members of the new couple have not discussed seriously the reasons and issues that have caused the end of their previous union, the previous "negative legacy" finally undergo inevitably impact on the new union. After a while, in fact, the unresolved problems of a previous marriage resurfaced and put in crisis even the new report. must be ready to start a new romance aware of possible problems, capitalizing on mistakes of the past. But this is not always the case. In love relationships, in particular, there is a tendency to reproduce the unhappiness. Without realizing f iniamo to repeat the old story of marriage, choosing a spouse is similar to the first. Or, if they get married with a different character, we unconsciously pressure to get the same behavior and will be entirely negative.
A second marriage has a better chance of success if you can really start from scratch, to leave behind the old one. About instead moves yet in the failure of the first, because he has not yet developed such a failure, ending with the burden of excessive demands on the new report, to even the score with the sufferings of the first. Even
marital disputes and routine may be harder to bear, the second time, because the new marriage we expect only positive things, had not the first . With the resulting frustration, disappointment and stress.
So, who broke once is less willing to accept a union that does not feel completely happy, so it is more likely to stop at the first onset of problems. In addition, the stress of divorce, even if we were to leave us, or if the separation was consensual, we are shaken out, doubtful about our ability to engage in lasting relationships, believed to be out of the game forever.
The divorce should be experienced instead as a time of reflection and reconciliation with ourselves. An educational experience, expectations and verification errors to gain greater awareness of who we are and what we want from a relationship.
Some second marriages suffer from comparisons with the first, although the former do not have all the qualities of the partner. Often triggered the confrontation, even on different levels, due to misunderstandings and innuendos.
The problems with the children of first marriage can undermine the survival of the second marriage. Divorce causes a crisis of identity and sense of belonging to children. And the confusion is increased when parents remarry.
Children can play the role of "saboteurs" of the new union, for various reasons, which sometimes are intertwined: they are afraid of losing the love of a parent who remarries, sono ostili al nuovo partner, si sentono lacerati fra la fedeltà alla vecchia e alla nuova famiglia, oppure esclusi dalla felicità della nuova coppia. D'altro canto, la “coppia felice” può avere momenti che contribuiscono ad aumentare la confusione e il disagio: discussioni su chi paga e quanto per i figli, questioni su “una volta tanto sarebbe bello cenare da soli. Và dato ai figli il tempo di ricostruire una loro nuova rappresentazione di scena familiare, senza scompaginarla con sovrapposizioni di ruoli. Il nuovo lui o la nuova lei non devono assolutamente cedere alla tentazione di sostituire il genitore assente o, peggio, di indossare i panni di matrigna o patrigno. I figli vengono talvolta usati dall'ex to interfere in the new couple: attitude that creates and exacerbates tensions. Often men are to leave the situation open. In any event, we should avoid getting into a collision course with comrades earlier. The contact between former should look beyond the commitments of parents, without encroaching on land that jeopardize the privacy of the new couple.
addition to the children to feel excluded may be the partner.
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